Do You Know Your Love Language?
There are thousands of articles written about Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Maybe this is the first time you are hearing about Love Languages, or maybe you need a refresher, Chapman believes that everyone has one primary and a secondary love language, and that you can be fluent in other languages as well.
But what are these languages? What does he mean by languages?
In this instance he's talking about language as a way of communication. The most common form of communication is through verbal language, which is why he coined the term love language. There are many different ways of communication and in relationships (romantic or otherwise) many of these ways are non-verbal.
Let's explore the five love languages and figure out which resonate with you most. As always with the MoveMe Journal, there are some things you can to to implement what you have learned here should you feel compelled to take action. Read 'til the end.
Words of affirmation is when your partner verbally affirms you through kind words. Acts of service is when you do things for your partner to help them out, like washing their car or cooking for them. Receiving gifts is just that – giving your partner gifts, even if they’re small. Receiving gifts is someone telling you “I was thinking of you today and here’s a little something to show it”. Quality time is spending meaningful time together with your partner, doing things like going on an adventurous hike or doing the groceries together. And finally, physical touch is physical closeness between the two of you, like an embrace or holding each other's hand while watching TV.
Words of Affirmation
This is as simple as saying supportive, affirming and encouraging things to your partner. Those affirmations include things like affirming your love and commitment to them, and affirming to them the things they need help feeling more secure about.
If your love language is words of affirmation that means that you show your love by saying supportive, affirming and encouraging things to your partner or that you feel most loved when your partner affirms you with verbal expressions of their love.
If your partner's love language is words of affirmation it means that they will feel most loved when you use words to communicate your love to them.
Words of affirmation are important for all relationships. They are words that communicate love, affection and acceptance for your significant other.
Acts of Service
Acts of service is one way to show your partner love. From folding the laundry to mowing the lawn, acts of service helps relieve stress, communicates the depth of your love and helps you feel appreciated and needed. The gift of serving doesn't cost a cent or take much time. You may even do it without thinking about how it speaks to your partner's heart.
Acts of service looks like doing something helpful, or of service, often without being asked. Acts of service may be your love language if you enjoy being helpful to your partner.
Your partner's love language may be acts of service if they are appreciative of little gestures like making them a coffee in the morning or taking out the trash…and much larger gestures of course!
Receiving Gifts
This love language is fairly straight forward, to show your love you give your partner gifts that demonstrate your love.
Who doesn’t love to get gifts? No matter how extravagant or cheap the gift may be, we would all be thrilled to find a gift waiting for us by the end of a long day or after a great accomplishment.
It shows us that someone was thinking about us and cares enough to make an effort. If your love language is gifts then you may find that is easier for you to express your love through the giving of gifts. If your partner's love language is gifts then they may feel most loved when you treat them to something lovely.
Quality Time
As the name suggests, quality time is part of a language that focuses on the positive aspects of a relationship. Its objective is to increase your enjoyment and appreciation of time spent with your partner. In addition to helping you to focus on your partner's great qualities, it will help you enjoy creating memories together, rather than achieving goals.
Quality time means spending meaningful time with your partner doing something that you both enjoy - this may be cooking a meal together, going on a hike or watching sport.
Physical Touch
If your love language is physical touch that means that you feel most loved and giving of love being close to and caressed by your partner. Physical touch is an outward sign of love and affection. It says, "You're important to me." Some people crave physical touch, while others do not care for it at all.
Examples of physical touch are hand holding, hugging and snuggling and of course a good old kiss1
Touch is as vital to survival and health as food, water, and air. It's an essential part of building a loving and nurturing connection with another human being, and it can become the glue that holds relationships together. Physical touch is very affirming in romantic relationships.
Do You Feel Compelled to Take Action?
Take notes on the five love languages. Ask yourself how do I most enjoy to show love? How do I most enjoy to receive love?
If you are in a relationship as your partner the same questions: how do you most enjoy to show love? How do you most enjoy to receive love?
These conversations are so important. Often the biggest causes of discomfort in relationships is due to poor communication. If you know how to make your partner feel loved and if they know how to do the same for you, you can build more stability and happiness into your relationship.
Love languages work in platonic relationships too. If you're not in a romantic relationship try this experiment with your close friends and see how you can all level up your friendships.